"A Civilian's Guide to Not Driving Your Production Crew Insane"
I want to be very clear before we begin that I love the people who hire us. Clients, venue managers, artists, coordinators, festival directors — by and large, these are creative, passionate humans who are trying to make something happen and are genuinely grateful that someone with a tool belt showed up to make it possible. I love them. They are the reason any of this exists.
And they will also, without meaning to, absolutely lose their minds if we do not give them some basic vocabulary and operating procedures. What follows is a public service.
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**Learn the word "call."**
The call is when you are expected to be in the building and functional. Not in the parking lot. Not in the lobby texting that you're almost there. In the building and functional. When someone asks what your call time is, they are asking for this information. When you are not there at your call time, you have made a choice, and that choice has consequences that ripple outward from you through the entire schedule like a pebble in a very stressed-out pond.
**"Spike it" is not a football term.**
When someone asks you to spike something, they want you to mark its position on the floor with tape. This is important. The spike tape is how we know where the thing goes. Without the spike tape we are all just guessing, and guessing on a dark stage with a two-hour load-in window is an experience I would not recommend to anyone.
**The rider is not a suggestion.**
The rider is the technical and hospitality document that specifies exactly what an artist or production requires to perform. It has been written by people who have done this many times and learned the hard way what happens when specific things are not in place. When the rider says the stage monitors need to be a particular brand, that is not the artist being difficult. That is the artist having had a previous experience with a different brand that went badly in a way that affected a performance in front of thousands of people. Read the rider. Honor the rider. If you cannot honor the rider, have that conversation in advance with enough time to actually solve it, and not at sound check.
**The production manager is not the enemy.**
I know they seem like they're telling you no about everything. They are telling you no about some things because those things will break the show, the budget, the timeline, or a federal regulation. The production manager's entire job is to hold about four hundred variables in tension simultaneously and make sure none of them drops. When they tell you they can't add a follow spot at 6pm for an 8pm show, they are not being arbitrary. They are doing math that involves things you are not currently aware of. Trust the math.
**"Practical" means it actually works.**
In scenic and lighting design, a practical element is one that actually does the thing it appears to do — a lamp that is a lamp and not a lamp-shaped prop, a door that opens and not a door-shaped flat. This distinction matters deeply and in specific ways that become apparent at the worst possible moment if you haven't confirmed it in advance.
**Load-in and load-out are different animals.**
Load-in is exciting. You're building something. There's coffee, there's momentum, the vision is becoming real. Load-out is the thing that happens after the show, when the vision has been real for several hours and everyone is exhausted and the venue wants you out in ninety minutes and it's midnight and somebody can't find the road case that the expensive piece of gear lives in. Be kind to the crew at load-out. Be patient. This is the job too.
**"It's giving" is not a technical note.**
I'm just saying. If you want more of something, say more of what. If you want less, say less of what. We are not mind readers. We are riggers and carpenters and electricians and we are very good at solving specific problems with specific tools, but we cannot solve the problem of vibes. Tell us what you want the thing to do and we will make it do that. This is the deal.
**House is not your house.**
"The house" refers to the audience area of a venue, and "house lights" are the lights that illuminate it. When someone says "take it to house," they mean bring the lights up in the audience area. They do not mean illuminate the building in which they personally reside. I have never had to explain this to someone twice, but I have had to explain it once, and once was memorable.
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There are more of these — there are always more — but this is enough for one week. The point is not that civilians are bad. The point is that every industry has a language, and the faster you learn the language, the faster you become someone that the crew is glad to see, instead of someone that the crew is politely managing. We want to be glad to see you. We really do. Come talk to us. Bring us coffee. And for the love of everything, read the rider.
— Dots
